The “They’re Not Paying Us To Say This” Guide to Florida Cities

Planning a vacation can be a lot like planning a wedding: everyone you know (and everyone you don’t) wants to give you their input on why you should go where and do what. And it escalates very quickly from helpful to overkill until you’re ready to elope vacation style. Because Uncle Bill and Random Stranger At The Drug Store That Saw You Picking Up Sunscreen And Had To Ask Where You’re Going Because It’s Clearly Not Sunscreen Season Where You Are… just don’t seem to understand that you might not be interested in that museum, or that the places they say you HAVE to go to are about 17 hours apart by car. Or even worse, they are well aware of those things but insist upon you going anyway.

While I may not be the best to council you on how to gently let down your uncle and random stranger friend so they don’t take it personally, I can give you this blog post. Because once you get through it, you’ll be so gung-ho excited about visiting one of these places (or all of them… sorry to exacerbate your decision-making problem) you really won’t care if you hurt their feelings (but please don’t… I’ll feel bad).

So, here we go. Just in case this is news to you, Florida is big. Unless you plan to be on the road a LOT and are able to take a reaaaally long vacation, you’re not going to be able to knock out all the cool places on one trip. I know, it’s our master plan to make you come back. But, here’s a bit of info on what we think are the Top 5 Major City Destinations… and then a list of all the rest. Because I love you guys, but I’ve gotta get a hold of this whole work-life balance thing. Enjoy!

Tampa
(tampagov.net)
Region: Central, West Coast

When you picture stereotypical Florida in your head, Tampa is what you’re looking at. Absolutely beautiful in the winter (the 70s and 80s mostly), wicked hot and humid during the summer (try to fry an egg on the sidewalk), and full of white sand beaches and colorful architecture. Not to mention golf carts driving around like cars, with parking spots at the grocery store to match. But the golf carts still work on the course, and there are tons of those around Tampa to choose from. Everything from PGA-level to absolute beginner’s courses, and everything in between. If you feel like watching sports instead of playing one, head on over to a very entertaining Tropicana field and see the Rays play a game (I’ll hold my tongue on that one… OK no I won’t. Go, Sox!). Or better yet, explore Busch Gardens. It’s a little on the pricey side, but it’s an absolute blast. The roller coasters are exhilarating and the wild animal exhibits are way cooler than any zoo’s. Oh, and for you military guys and girls, Busch Gardens offers you (with valid military ID) and up to three guests free tickets to the park once per year through their Waves of Honor program. High five to them! Tampa also has phenomenal beachside restaurants and bars and plenty of shopping. It’s a great town to have no plan in. All you have to do is park in a beach town and take a stroll. You’ll be entertained for hours.

Augustine
(ci.st-augustine.fl.us)
Region: North, East Coast

One of the oldest European establishments in the country, this beautiful city is one of the most interesting and entertaining in Florida. Aside from fantastic beaches, there are dozens of places to tour that are actually interesting. Trust me on this one… I get bored easily. But I’ll actually suggest touring places here, like the Hotel Ponce De Leon. When you’re done being a history buff and learning new things to bring up at next month’s ice cream social, try out your sea legs on one of St. Augustine’s many sailing adventures. And before you tell me you get seasick just looking at a glass of water, don’t. Sailing is smooth unlike power boating, and most tours will provide beverages and teach you where to go and how to hold on so that you’re comfortable. Try it! It’s really worth it. Plus, it’s one of the best ways to see dolphins jumping around in their natural, happy habitat. Another must-do is a tour of the Whetstone Chocolate Factory downtown. It’s informative, but more importantly, it smells amazing and they feed you chocolate. I rest my case.

Miami
(ci.miami.fl.us)
Region: South, East Coast

If you read ‘Miami’ and didn’t start singing Will Smith in your head… or out loud… I’m a little disappointed. But regardless, this is a must-visit and will never be dull (unless you go to a Dolphins game… Sorry, I can’t help myself). This city has a lot of great, upscale shopping, amazingly amazing restaurants, gorgeous beaches, and world-renowned nightlife. I’d love to tell you all the things you can do here, but I don’t think there’s enough time in the day for that. To be a little different, try to find a gallery opening or an art show of some sort. Even if art isn’t your thing, it can be really fun to get all classy, enjoy some free cocktails, and talk to some people you don’t typically bump into on the street. For a more relaxed day, try being stereotypical Miami. Throw on your favorite bathing suit, coverup, flip flops and sunglasses and spend the whole day playing on the beach, relaxing in the sand, waltzing into beach bars and restaurants that barely require footwear – this is the place you can (and should) do all that. And eat. A lot. I meant it when I said the food is amazing. And if you feel like some more formal entertainment, Miami always has something. Try the circus, a show, a basketball game, or get tickets to the filming of whatever talk show is going on when you’re there. If you’re bored here, you’re doing something wrong.

Destin
(cityofdestin.com)
Region: North, Panhandle

Ah, L.A. No, I’m not delirious. Here, L.A. means Lower Alabama. But while you may notice it in the distinctly southern culture and some of the locals’ accents, everything that meets the eye screams ‘Florida’. Dubbed the world’s luckiest fishing village, water lovers will never be bored. You almost can’t turn a corner without seeing someone fishing – and they’re almost always catching something. But if that’s not your game, take a walk down to Harborwalk Village and take your pick of activities. There are unique activities for the kids (or young at heart), dozens of small shops, an interactive 3D movie theater, waterfront restaurants and bars, and tons of boat tours. Take a sunset dolphin cruise with free beer, wine, and soda. Or, try your hand on board the pirate ship (you heard me). Better yet, rent a pontoon or a kayak and head out to Crab Island for a crazy fun experience you will never forget. If you get bored of the water (really?), mosey across the street for some mini golf, go karts or bumper boats. Or, if you just think the water needs more entertainment value, head on over to Big Kahuna’s water park. Of course, no trip to Destin is complete without a visit to McGuire’s for an Irish Wake and a larger than life Reuben. With all this to do during the day, you better hope you don’t tucker yourself out and miss all the great nightlife.

Orlando
(cityoforlando.net)
Region: Central

Of course, I couldn’t let you go without mentioning Orlando – home of the happiest place on Earth. I’m sure you all know about Disney World, so I’ll skip over that and get to some of the lesser known stuff that gets overshadowed by the world famous theme park. But keeping with the theme parks for a second, there are three others in Orlando: Seaworld, which you all know; Legoland, which is great for the kids but just entertaining enough that you won’t go crazy if yours want to go there; and Universal Studios, which has my favorite rides and attractions, including a Harry Potter world complete with the Hogwarts Express. When you and/or your wallet need a break, swing back to whichever resort you’re staying at, because they all have a million amenities that you’re already paying for a should be enjoying. Most resorts here have expansive pools, sandy bottom lazy rivers, water slides, swim up bars, waterfalls, grottos, volleyball, hot tubs… the list goes on. And when it comes time to feed yourself, you’re asking for trouble if you’re as terribly indecisive as I am. There are TONS of amazing restaurants, many of which are also entertaining, and your hotel desk will likely have a tough time recommending any less than five that they consider their personal favorites. I may not recommend Orlando if you want nothing more than to laze around and relax, but if you want to mix that in with some adrenaline pumping fun… this is your place.

Still Awesome Cities/Towns:

North:

North Florida is an area ranging from the Panhandle region, east to Jacksonville, and south to just past St. Augustine, approximately. Major areas also include Pensacola, Destin, and Panama City Beach. The region holds some of the most beautiful areas in the state, though it is not the stereotypical image one may have of Florida. Rich with history, the area is home to several military installations, state parks, golf courses, and breathtakingly beautiful beaches. It is also home to interesting wildlife, including alligators and black bears. Ironically, one will find more of a “southern charm” culture in North Florida than the two geographically more southern regions. Unsurprisingly, it is the coolest of the three regions, though it does not exactly get “cold”. Winter months average in the low to mid-60s during the day, with temperatures dipping into the 40s at night (rarely going below freezing). The summer months are hot and humid with highs typically in the mid-90s and humidity often above 85%.

Central:

Central Florida ranges from the Ocala and Daytona Beach areas, south to about St. Petersburg on the west coast and Stuart Beach on the east coast. It holds some of Florida’s most popular tourist attractions, including Disney World in Orlando and Busch Gardens in Tampa. The region is mostly flatland, has roughly 1,500 lakes and ponds, and boasts hundreds of miles of coastline. Aside from theme parks and beaches, Central Florida is also famous for its zoos, parks, and shopping, and is home to the Kennedy Space Center. Golf courses, golf carts, and gators are also plentiful here. Those wanting a winter getaway where they are almost certain to be comfortable tanning on the beach may want to set their sites here. The humidity is similar to North Florida, but temperatures in this region are warmer, with highs ranging from the 70s and 80s during the winter months to the upper 90s and low 100s in the summer months.

South:

South Florida ranges approximately from Sarasota south through the Everglades, Miami, and the Keys. It is the only region of Florida, and the U.S., considered to have a tropical climate. With high humidity and temperatures, on average, never reaching below 75, beachgoers, water lovers and snowbirds will find their paradise here. The region’s most popular areas are Palm Beach, Boca Raton, Miami, and the Keys, though many small, beautiful towns surround these larger areas. South Florida is also home to the Everglades, a unique landscape filled with unusual wildlife including panthers, crocodiles, the West Indian Manatee, hundreds of bird species, and several endangered species. The area is also known for its amazing shopping and restaurants. With a rich ethnic culture, one will find a much wider variety of cuisine in South Florida than in other regions. Cities range from retirement communities to party towns to boating villages, meaning there’s a little something for everyone.

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